Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples Explained

What You Need To Know About EFT Therapy

More than ever, clients are coming to therapy with greater insight and information about the therapeutic process and the modalities therapists use. This is an incredible place to be as a client. Information is power, and finding the right therapist and approach is so important to your journey. While access to this information is shifting the therapy landscape, it can also raise questions and cause people to form opinions about a modality without space for clarification. I am here to answer your questions and bring clarity to common misconceptions.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Before we address common questions, let's briefly discuss what Emotionally Focused Therapy is. EFT for couples is an evidence-based approach with proven benefits for creating secure attachment in relationships. It is one of the most well-researched couples therapy approaches available.

EFT helps you track negative relational interaction patterns and understand your deep attachment longings and the fears that arise when there's a threat to your connection. As your EFT therapist, I'll help you identify the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that lead to tension, disconnect, and potential conflict in your relationship. Now, let’s get into the common misconceptions about EFT.

Addressing Common EFT Couples Therapy Misconceptions

Myth: EFT is all about talking about your feelings, and you have to be emotionally expressive for it to work.

While emotional expression is a component of EFT, it's not all of EFT. Much of our work involves understanding your internal experience and how that interacts with your partner's external experience, and vice versa. I encourage awareness to help you identify when your pattern is happening, and yes, part of that includes connecting to the feelings that arise.

EFT creates an opportunity for many individuals to finally feel safe expressing their emotions in a way that fosters authenticity, connection, and resilience. There is no "right way" to be before starting relationship therapy. Whether you're someone who struggles to access emotions or someone who feels overwhelmed by them, EFT can work for you.

Myth: EFT therapy is meant only for high-conflict couples or couples on the brink of divorce.

EFT is for all couples, because the truth is, every couple has their own cycle. Couples at any stage of their relationship can benefit from EFT. In fact, it's encouraged that couples seek support before their interaction patterns become highly entrenched. Prevention is just as valuable as intervention.

Myth: EFT does not address practical relationship issues since the focus is on emotions.

EFT definitely supports conversations about practical relationship issues like navigating finances, sex and intimacy, household tasks, and parenting decisions. What sets EFT apart is that it looks at these conversations through the lens of attachment—examining how your attachment fears and longings play a role in how you discuss those practical topics. Once that underlying emotional dynamic is understood, problem-solving becomes much easier in your relationship.

Myth: EFT for couples is not worth it if your partner won't join you.

While EFT couples therapy does require both partners to be present for sessions, there's also Emotionally Focused Therapy for Individuals (EFIT), which is a branch of EFT that supports one partner in exploring their role in the pattern. This is often a great place to start. As a relational therapist myself, I thoroughly enjoy working with individuals using an EFIT framework. Sometimes, one person beginning their own work can shift the dynamic enough to create space for couples to work down the road.

Finding the Right Therapist Fit

It's important that you seek out several sources when researching therapeutic modalities. You'll come across various opinions, experiences, and perhaps your own challenging beliefs about different approaches. Some modalities aren't for everyone, yet I firmly believe in the power of EFT and am passionate about discussing attachment-based therapy and relationships.

EFT Therapy for Couples in Denver

Whether you're ready to schedule your Emotionally Focused Therapy session with your partner or have more questions about the process, I am here to help! I've worked for over 8 years as a licensed marriage and family therapist and have been committed to the EFT model since the very start. I've witnessed the experiential shifts that occur in session and watched them create lasting changes in relationships—building a secure foundation that helps couples weather the inevitable stressors that life throws at them.

Reach out today for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation to hear more about how I utilize EFT with couples and get your questions answered!